After a hiatus for a year, looking after a foster son with multiple needs, I am back. It’s new year. I always decide to do something new. Last year I decided to try a different physical activity each month. I lasted 4 months. I tried Yoga, dragon boating, ballet and geocaching. And even though I just about cramp my sphincter muscles each week trying to hold in the gas being massaged from my organs, I have stuck with yoga for an entire year. Once a week on Mondays and as that is the only exercise I can muster enthusiasm for, needless to say my waist line has been expanding. So this year I have begun with the monstrous pledge to give up grog for an entire year. I don’t expect to be successful but I am going to give it a try and document the journey for myself. I know everyone probably has a an interesting relationship with grog. It has been in the backdrop of my worst decisions throughout my life. As a shy person it makes for an excellent social lubricant. In the moment that is, not the next day which is generally filled with regrets and guilt. Even if I have done nothing more than slur a few words or make a few ridiculous self disclosures. So here we are. This is day one. Not a pretty picture after a Champagne fueled new year. No make up- except for that left by last night. No filter. Yikes.
Last night there was a blistering row. It would have been amusing to watch because with two children asleep in the house it was like UFC in mime. Mouthing swear words and hands flying. Why because having another kid in the house has meant my son is hyperaroused and refusing to go to sleep. Sleep is an issue for him. Early negative experiences – so sleep is actually a household problem with myself being unable to get to sleep regularly and avoiding bed time at all costs. High anxiety at bed time does not make for a peaceful household. Why anxiety? Well there’s the dread of not being motivated to fulfill wifely duties as well as being terrified to fall asleep and experience the night terrors. So what should be a relaxing wind down is a prep for battle with the demons. My son’s more legitimate than mine.
So alcohol also provides a dead sleep experience which for a person who struggles with sleep every single night is a major temptation. But I have made it to day 2. What’s on the agenda. Keeping an 11 year old and 7 year old busy and not bored, without relying too much on screens. On goes the armor. I am going in.