I am not in love with this post, but I have decided, i’s better to write and write rubbish, than not write at all. Writer’s block can only be overcome by writing I guess! So here is my stab at another Plinky Prompt.
If I could be any character from any book I think it would be Sookie Stackhouse, from the Trueblood series by Charlaine Harris. Not because I want to be lost in a literary wonderland because, to be truthful, the writing is not particularly good. It’s really just Twilight with loads of sex and much less angst. And it isn’t for the exotic locations either, BonTemps sounds like a Louisiana backwater. It’s mostly because I want to be romanced by the archetypal bad guy, court danger and be absolutely safe!
Sookie’s constant battle to prevent herself from being bitten by wayward vampires with whom she surrounds herself (and being undead, they are all drop dead gorgeous, forever young and virile) I find, strangely appealing. This is of course in sharp relief to the everyday crap to be faced head on, in the course of normal life, sometimes in gale force winds.
Vamps don’t need feeding, in a traditional sense, so no cooking and no dishes. No getting fat through relationship bliss. They’ve also been around for hundreds of years, sometimes thousands, so you get the eyewitness heads up on historic events. Imagine the mysteries solved during post coital conversation “so, what was Jesus really like.” You would never run out of things to say.
When I leave my workplace at night, the empty space from the well-lit doorway to my car seems intimidatingly distant. I walk, quickly, with my keys held tightly spike up, and my mobile phone at the ready. Its about 40 metres, but its like traversing a river full of crocs, and although I have never been attacked it’s a very real, almost paralysing fear that propels me to my car door. And then, before my new car arrived, I had to find the key hole, in the dark, while checking over my shoulder for would-be attackers.
Thank God for central locking. And once in the car I lock all the doors. It may be because of my obsessive passion for crime shows or that women very close to me have fallen victim to male predators, but I keep anticipating the appearance of a madman leaping from the shadows. You know, just as you’ve relaxed, the dramatic music has suddenly stopped, you take a breath and then suddenly, there in the rear vision mirror are the crazed eyes of some psychotic ex boyfriend who has never forgiven you for dissing his car. I am really adept at scaring the shit out of myself. Once my cat leapt on the bonnet of my car after I arrived home after dark and I almost needed CPR. If I have to be afraid of the imaginary, wouldn’t it be wonderful if it could be to flirt with the danger of an amorous, good-looking vampire!
The other great thing about Sookie Stackhouse is that she can read minds. Now I know this could be a curse as well as a gift, because there’s probably some damn boring traffic swirling around other people’s grey matter (if social networking is any indication, everybody posting their most monotonous self talk) and it would be hard to seek out a real gem of wisdom. But imagine knowing what people thought about you. This could be useful? Right? Job interviews, having the upper-hand on your nemesis, getting the bottom price on that house, car, ‘insert large expensive item here’, knowing if your kids are lying!
As for physical advantages, well Sookie is also, blonde, thin, with big boobs and is twenty-seven. Do I really need to explain this! I am bottle dark, round, have one and a half boobs and am definitely not twenty-seven. The bonus of being made vampire of course is that you could stay your age forever. I’d be happy being my thirty year old self forever after. Vamps also heal and are incredibly strong, so I could blitz it in the pool and be an uber-athlete. Something I have never ever managed, having a pathological aversion to exercise.
Sookie also has faery blood. How cool. People feel good being around her. She lights up the room. Popularity. You can’t put a price on that.
She is also annoyingly nice and goes to church, which could be a draw back. However I think this character trait is to balance out the fact that she gets medieval on a few bad guys, staking them, stabbing them, chaining ’em up with silver and exposing them to sunlight. She’s fearless and while others around her are dropping like flies, she manages to survive.
As vamp blood is healing I would ditch Sookie’s irritating respect for difference, and anti-specieist stance, and sell vamp blood for the greater good – curing cancer etc. So being Sookie would have been very handy a few years ago, I could cured myself and really saved my sister’s life.
So I’d be Sookie Stackhouse, southern belle, bad guy slayer and all round feminine heroine!