we could just run it, women that is.
Imagine a world run by women. There would be no more wars, not because women are not aggressive, they can be, but because they recognise the expense and the mess would just be too much bother to clean up, so we would go about embarrassing other nations into submission by making them self conscious about their national dress, their diets and their national pass-time – “ice-hockey? oh that’s so 2008 Canada, its water sports now, all the way, with Gucci one piece to the ankles.”
Seriously, wouldn’t the world just be so much better if it were not run by arrogant men in suits? A national broadband network would have been installed yesterday at mega speed so we could communicate, gossip, argue, debate, flirt in real time with anyone, anywhere. And our laptops would be cheap and come in a range of different colours to match our shoes.
And the energy we use to run everything would be cleaner and greener because who wants yucky black shit all over pristine beaches. Its such a bastard to clean up. Anything that needs more than an Enjo glove would get the arse.
Women could have 24 PMS days a year, two for each day of the month, where she wants to hide beneath the doona for 48 hours. We’d call them red days and everyone would nod in complete, solemn and respectful silence in their absence. And child rearing would be a prestigious paid job, instead of slave labour, oops I mean volunteer work.
As CEOs we would make sure workers shared in the profits instead taking our golden parachute and abandoning the kamikaze company jet when the bottom falls out of the share market. Workers would be happy because apart form sharing in the company’s success there would be high quality childcare facilities on site.
Statues throughout the cities would cease depicting bloody battles and show bronzed pregnant women with a baby at a naked breast and NOBODY WOULD COMPLAIN!
Majority world countries would soon find they had indoor plumbing and the death rates from preventable diseases due to lack of clean water would plummet. And everyone would have ‘guilt free’ access to birth control because the Pope would be a women. The Church would decree women and men can be priests and make pedophilia punishable by castration and a supervised lifetime spent in the service of the community dismantling and carefully disposing of obsolete oil rigs. Marriage would be jolly hard to get into and divorce easy. But Cardinals could keep their pink and orange robes.
Women who choose not to have children would share equal status with their child bearing sisters. Abortion would be considered as normal as wasted ejaculate.
Rapists and abusers would be herded off to deserted islands in an alternative “pacific solution” where they would be taught to talk about their feelings and their relationships with their mothers, and they would learn to rock climb in stillettos, cry, and sew, and tend plants. And when they look like improving they may even graduate to cleaning up pooh and baby vomit.
At night cities would shine with glorious light powered from the sun, the wind and water and ploughing the Earth for uranium for filthy nuclear power would be an end note in history books about the folly of stupid white men.
And there would be more tunnels and cycling lanes and less phallic obelisks and motorways scarring the landscape. And public transport would be fast, accessible and have built in pram lifters and seats.
Women’s sport would dominate the media and companies would be falling over themselves to advertise. The Superbowl would be interrupted by clever mega-million dollar ads promoting tampons and chocolate.
Our cures for cancer and AIDS would adorn billboards and the term ‘erectile dysfunction’ would never again be uttered, while women dying in child birth would be a distant medieval afterthought in a historical fantasy novel.
Old people would be revered, housed, fed and young people would be expected to spend time learning from them.
People would eat meals together and the food would be recognisable as having come from the Earth and not one step away in the chemical process from being plastic.
There would be international conventions condemning women in fundamentalists countries, for hanging men by their feet in the streets so they are at eye level to get their ears boxed for being adulterous. But unfortunately nothing would come of it and men would have to start facebook campaigns to save their brethren.
Oh, if women ruled the world……..too extreme for you?